Don’t Worry So Much About Supposed To
A shortcut to bypassing the ‘shoulds’ in life.
The elderly Armande is sitting in the town’s new chocolate shop which has just opened during the month of Lent. Much to the disciplined mayor’s dismay. Such a brazen act, tempting the townspeople away from their pious obligations. Armande is meeting with her estranged grandson. She yearns for reconnection with him, but is at a loss of how to make this happen. How to crack through the firm emotional walls she has built over many years.
It’s custom in Christianity to abstain from luxurious and pleasures during lent, and chocolate comes squarely in those categories. Her grandson Luc tentatively reminds Armande of this, but not with much resolve.
“Don’t worry so much about supposed to.” she tells him. And he devilishly devours the hot chocolate he’s been served.
Don’t Worry So Much About Supposed To.
I feel that knowing smirk whisper at my lips, and the tug deep in my belly that tells me this statement still resonates with me.
This scene in the film Chocolat has stayed with me for a long time.
Something about rules being made to be broken. Or shedding the ‘good girl’. Or smashing the… yeh we’ve heard it all before.
Don’t Worry So Much About Supposed To is that moment in your life when the voice of your parent, teacher, authority of some kind says ‘you’re not supposed to do that’ but you pause and think ‘you know what, fck it.’
My dad says to me, ‘everything in moderation, including moderation’. This nods to the same concept. Permit yourself, every so often, to live in the extremes. To worry less about what you are supposed to be doing.
Who made up those rules anyway?
I had some friends over this evening and I’m a terrible cook. I’d planned to get takeaway and three different people brought dessert. One of which was a home-baked apple pie. The sugary cinnamon filling was still warm as my guest unswaddled it from it’s tea towel and we grouped around it to salivate.
We resumed the acceptable norm of finishing off the crips and dips as the sun set and then one of the group simply stood up and announced “so shall we eat the pie now?”
Don’t Worry So Much About Supposed To!
We promptly swapped dinner for desserts, stood around the kitchen counter with forks in hands, and sang along to Elton John. What would our mothers say??
In less flippancy, this advice has reminded me to spot the ‘shoulds’ in my life and check in with what I’d rather be doing if that pressure wasn’t there. Ask myself in any given moment if I’m operating in a way that ‘I’m supposed to’, instead of how I’d like to.
Orient towards my joy, rather than the messaging I’ve been fed on what the expected norm is.
One of the final scenes in the film Chocolat is set at Armande’s birthday party. Her grandson turns up late and (on brand for her curmudgeonly wry character) she chastises him. He places a gift in her hands and she reminds him the invite said he wasn’t supposed to bring a gift. With a wink he responds, “don’t worry so much about supposed to.” He learned from the best.
I am a Somatic Coach and through my writing attempt to capture the human experience, through our minds and bodies. If you’re interested in what Somatic Coaching is or would like to try it, find out more about it here.