What is Couples Somatic Coaching?
Interested in trying coaching with your partner? Read on…
“Inviting the exploration of each partner’s individual inner life supports couples in envisioning a lively dance that includes: communicating well; repairing inevitable rupture; making room for the needs of both individuals, as well as the relationship; and exploring authentic heartfelt connection.” Toni Herbine-Blank
A relationship is not a fixed thing. It is not a trophy or a contract or an immovable fact. It is alive. It has a breath, a pulse, a rhythm which is shared between two bodies, two hearts, two evolving lives entwined.
Like a flame, it burns brightest when tended to with care — space to breathe and grow, purposefully fed with the right fuel and protected from winds too strong.
When you bring your couple into coaching, into the vulnerable space of being seen, you are not there to fix what is broken — you are uncovering what needs tending to.
I think of couples coaching as a movement from standing facing each other, in potential stuckness, to standing side by side looking out in the same direction.
I encourage my clients to actively “re-choose” their partners moment by moment, by embracing the ongoing, sometimes challenging, work of nurturing their bond.
Choice is paramount to a thriving and connected couple. It ensures the intentional and active participation of both parts of the couple. We then have agency and ownership of being in this relationship.
Imagine your partner intentionally choosing you each day. Saying an embodied yes to the relationship.
What would you notice in their face, their body, their words?
How would that feel in your body?
“Couples coaching is a way to, side by side with your partner, look out into the expansive opportunity of your life together. It’s a unifying, clarifying and honest place for couples to carve dedicated time for each other to focus on their relationship. To acknowledge the unspoken, to learn embodied attunement with each other’s nervous systems and to find forward momentum with each other.” Meryl Rowlands
So what is Couples (Somatic) Coaching?
Couples coaching is an opportunity to bring your relationship into the light with a professional. It’s a chance to name what’s working, acknowledge what’s not, and start to explore how to move forward with shared intention.
We move beyond content (the “what” of a rupture) and into process (the “how” of the relating).
In couples coaching I take you both as you are — whole, creative and resourceful — and support you as a steward in the organic unfolding of whatever wants to emerge between you.
When we work somatically we will be working with your conceptual, ‘thinky’ mind as well as the full wisdom of your whole nervous system. Inviting the ‘felt sense’, those sensations internally that guide our choices and dreams.
I might offer some interventions, tapping into those signals from the body or the environment around us ‘in the field’, and everything is done in curious, open-hearted experimentation.
I always invite you to name whatever is calling your attention. If there is a glimmer of an emotion bubbling up, or suddenly an image flashes across your memory or there’s something just outside of consciousness that is distracting you. That’s very welcome. We follow it as a three, and see where it leads.
It’s a very dynamic and intuitive way of working, and clients time and time again are shocked by the transformative moments that arise.
(If you’d like to understand what somatic coaching is a little better have a read of this article: Somatic Coaching)
“This session was an unexpected surprise! We did not know exactly what what to expect going in and came out happier and stronger for it. It was such a simple, yet truly effective session demonstrating the power of introspection and communication, that was both enjoyable and left with tools to use going forward. We would highly recommend it for those who are curious (or curious about being curious).” Gus & Tolga
How is couples coaching different from couples therapy /counselling?
Where therapy spends time looking backwards at the historical ‘why’ of an issue, coaching is a forward-moving framework and focusses on the ‘what’ and the ‘how’.
Where are we right now, what’s here for us, and where do we want to go?
Coaching is usually right for functional and committed couples looking to work together towards a common intention, rather than a relationship that is in crisis and/or potentially needing to end.
Coaching can be used to look at how to move through conflict, but both sides of the couple need to want to do that. The couples I work with approach the work in an open, curious and non-judgmental body-and-mindset, with an overarching desire to build a more thriving bond with their partner.
“I was initially a little sceptical about doing this, but Meryl’s welcoming, inclusive tone and ability to put my partner and I at ease meant that we were really able to communicate in a meaningful and fun way. I would recommend this to anyone who wants to reignite the spark in their relationship and fully articulate their true feelings for their partner. Definitely a worthwhile experience.” James & Nicola
A little bit about the science of connection
At the heart of effective couples coaching lies an understanding of the nervous system and the ways in which our biology shapes our relationships. Romantic partnerships are not just emotional or spiritual unions — they are also co-regulatory systems. From a psychotherapeutic perspective, especially within the realms of attachment theory and polyvagal theory, couples are constantly engaging in a dance of co-regulation: calming and dysregulating each other through subtle cues like tone of voice, facial expression, or body language.
Rupture and repair is a crucial process in this dance. Every relationship experiences moments of misattunement — ruptures — where one partner feels unseen, unsafe, or disconnected. What defines the strength of a relationship is not the absence of these moments, but the willingness and ability to repair. This concept is deeply rooted in developmental psychology and has been brought into relationship work through the likes of Dan Siegel, Stan Tatkin and Sue Johnson.
You may have heard of Esther Perel, a leading voice in modern couples therapy, say “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” It’s this ‘quality’ that we get to explore and experiment with during couples coaching. What is the material that makes up your relationship?
When we understand couple dynamics through this lens, we stop aiming for perfection and instead focus on presence, attunement, and the courage to repair. To weave the unique tapestry of your specific bond.
What sorts of things do couples bring to a session?
Take a quiet moment to finish this sentence: ‘I wish my partner and I could…’
Or try answering this question: ‘What’s one expectation you have for your couple that is currently not being met?’
Anything you just came up with is welcome in a couples coaching session.
I have had couples bring:
How can I feel safe, seen, and heard — even when things are hard between us?
How can we feel like a true team when facing the pressures of the outside world?
How can we bring aliveness, intimacy, and joy back into our connection when life gets in the way?
How can we stop repeating the same painful patterns and face adversity without losing each other in the process?
How can I truly know the inner world of the person I love — and let them know mine?
What kind of life are we building together — and do we still want the same things?
and many more…
“The session made both of us feel so connected to one another in advance of the [wedding] day. We both kept some of the things we discussed in mind during the wedding and it allowed up to appreciate the day all the more. We hadn’t considered doing anything like this before, but it felt really special and we would highly recommend it.” Fi & Emily
Let’s talk logistics — how does it work?
Length: Sessions are usually one hour and we can work together ad hoc or for a series over a period of time.
Format: Each session is gently structured and tailored to your relationship, typically following an arc:
we begin with a simple icebreaker or alliance-building exercise,
then move through 3–5 guided visualisations and writing-based activities designed to deepen connection, insight, and shared understanding.
These are interwoven with somatic practices where helpful, and everything is offered as an open, lightly held invitation.
We close each session by gathering insights and takeaways, supporting you to integrate what’s emerged — always going only as deep as feels safe and right for both of you.
Setting: I work with couples in person and online. The couple needs to be in a safe environment together, preferably relaxed on a sofa next to each other, with no interruptions.
“Feeling a bit frazzled in the lead up to the wedding and Meryl brought all the positivity back into the space between us 🤍. The co-curious framework works so well for couples, it’s really impressive what Meryl has done. It’s so much better stepping out of they granular day-to-day to remember the why, and to share/connect on that level. Loved being guided to connect not just through words, and appreciated being encouraged to slow down and “feel” through visualisation. Alex and I appreciated this more than I can explain 🙏. Where do we sign up for the series??” Tiff & Alex
Want to try?
You’ve built something real together. You met, you learned each other’s rhythms, you faced challenges — maybe even some rupture and repair — and through it all, you’ve re-found and re-chosen each other. This is your foundation. And now, you’re ready for more.
You don’t want to just coast or rely on old patterns that no longer serve you. You want to deepen your connection, strengthen your attunement, and learn new ways of being together — ways that bring more presence, joy, and intimacy.
Couples coaching could be a space to explore, to grow, and to intentionally shape the future of your relationship with love, curiosity and commitment.
Ready to give it a go?
Register for a free discovery session with me here:
About Me
Hello! I am Meryl Rowlands, an accredited somatic coach. My integrative practice draws on wisdom from the following modalities: Internal Family Systems, Hakomi, Gestalt, person-centered psychotherapy, interpersonal neurobiology, and embodied cognition. I am currently training in intimacy and relationships with the IFS Institute.
After 13 years in the legal industry, I retrained with
, the world’s first Level 2 ICF-Accredited Body-Oriented Coaching school. Since 2021, through my business Co-Curious, I’ve worked with individuals and couples, offering one-on-one coaching and self-development workshops.I believe we all have the innate ability to support our own growth, but finding the time can be challenging. My approach helps clients carve the time to cultivate better embodied self-awareness and, most importantly, integrate their insights into lasting change.
Based in Lisbon, my work is guided by my core values of Love, Connection, Growth, Freedom and Play.
You can find me on Instagram here.